Helping your teen through a relationship breakup can be a trying, yet rewarding experience. Although painful, a breakup may allow your teen to share thoughts, feelings and experiences she might not usually express. If handled properly and with sensitivity, the situation can bring you and your daughter closer and strengthen your relationship. As a caring parent, knowing what to do and say makes the difference in your daughter feeling supported and loved instead of misunderstood and rejected.
An inexperienced teenager might find it nearly impossible to navigate the myriad of emotions produced by a relationship split on her own. As with most young people, your daughter lives in the moment, without the keen ability to see past her present circumstances. The termination of an important relationship seems like the end of the world to her. Your support helps her process her emotions and put things into proper perspective, allowing her to see her life from a more objective view.
Offer Support
Make yourself available to hold your daughter close without saying a word, which may provide exactly the comfort that she needs. Grieve the relationship loss with her and cry together, which will comfort your daughter in a way that goes beyond words and creates a special trust that strengthens your bond with her. Give her plenty of physical reassurance and let her know that you support her.
Your daughter needs time and space to process her loss before she verbally expresses her feelings. Remain patient and wait for her to talk when she feels ready as this allows her to open up without pressure from you. When she shares her heart, make sure that you are quick to listen and slow to speak.
Active Listening Skills
As a parent, develop active listening skills by listening and responding to what she says. This concentrates the attention on the speaker. As you restate her words, you will better understand what she says and minimize misunderstandings. Active listening demonstrates that you are fully attentive and engaged in the conversation and that what she shares holds meaning and importance.
When listening, do not interrupt to ask questions, give your opinion, offer advice or tell your own stories. Listen patiently until she finishes and wait for an invitation to share. When the opportunity arises, speak the truth in love, honestly conveying your thoughts and personal experiences in a non-judgmental way. Clearly communicate compassion, understanding and hope.
What to Avoid
Your daughter looks to you to be the parent, so make sure you that you respond with maturity. Do not do any of the following:
- Criticize her decisions
- Tell her “I told you so”
- Bad mouth her ex-boyfriend
- Step in to try to remedy the situation or
- Attempt to rescue your daughter out of a great opportunity to grow from her experience and learn valuable life lessons.
Instead, love her, sympathize with her, comfort her and give her the confidence she needs to stand on her own two feet. In the end, watch her emerge stronger and wiser.
Think Havenwood Might Be For You?
We encourage any visitors considering placing their daughter in treatment to fill out our online assessment as soon as possible. This two minute form will give our admissions team all the information needed to determine if your daughter is a good fit for our program.
Eric Allred was born and raised in Rigby, Idaho. He grew up on a family farm where he learned the value of work. He graduated from Rigby High School and attended Rick’s College, now known as BYU-Idaho. He received his bachelor’s degree in journalism from Utah State University, received a master’s degree in organizational behavior and human relations from the University of Phoenix and a second master’s degree in marital and family therapy from Phillips Graduate Institute. Eric has been involved in Rotary and was president of a local Rotary Club. He enjoys being with his family and doing outdoor activities such as fly fishing.
Chase was very fortunate to start in this industry as a struggling 17 year old kid looking for a mentor and something to be passionate about. Wilderness therapy was Chase’s first stop in this industry and was truly a transcendental experience for him. Chase has an enormous love for this line of work and the power that it has in creating change in everyone involved. Chase’s biggest belief is the power a mentor, strong, healthy relationships, and accountability can have on anyone, especially youth. Taking a very relational approach to his work, Chase has always been very relatable to the students he works with. Being able to understand and relate to a vast variety of the same struggles as a lot of the students he works with has been able to help him continue to grow, learn, and teach. Chase believes that with great rapport and trust, he can use his experience to continue to coach and train new staff, and has the ability to find those staff with the passion for this industry, and help them grow. His love and passion can be felt the moment you talk with Chase about this industry and he passes that on to others he works with. In his spare time you will find Chase cheering for the Eagles, Yankees, and Mavericks, hanging out with his brother, learning more about Eastern Psychology, and continuing to grow and learn.