Teenagers seem to live in their own little world. They speak their own language, experience their own realities, and at times it can feel like they’re a million miles away. Parenting a teenager is not for the faint of heart, and it’s not the kind of task you can set on the back burner and hope for the best. Parental involvement in a teen’s life is the single best indication of their continued health and success as a well-adjusted adult, and can prevent them from making life-altering poor choices during these formative years.
Many parents find that suddenly, imperceptibly, their teen has emotionally distanced themselves. Then when they attempt to close the gap and communicate with their teen – things gets lost in translation. Their teen will lash out angrily at a simple question, or burst into tears when their parents correct them. They may misinterpret your tone or attitude. They may seem to be happy one minute and depressed the next. It’s not uncommon for parents to think they have done something seriously wrong, or that they should back off and give the teen their space. The good news is that there are was to navigate that illogical and confusing teen brain. Here are the best ways to deal with the elusive teen brain:
Three Ways to Navigate Teen Brains
- Listen for their emotions. Teen emotions are strong and often unpredictable – especially to themselves! They don’t quite know how to deal with their feelings, and they may not have the words to express them. Teens often say “I’m fine.” or “It’s nothing!” but their tone or facial expressions say otherwise. They are usually hoping someone will notice. Look for their emotions daily to practice the habit. When it seems like something is wrong, ask about it earnestly and communicate that you are there to listen and help if needed. Even if they don’t take you up on it the first time, they will eventually.
- Talk to them about unimportant things. Their thoughts about the weather, the movie you watched last night, the song you just heard on the radio… those conversations are empty and pointless, right? Wrong. Parents often make the mistake of assuming they know their child because they raised them. Unfortunately teens aren’t as logical as that. They are changing and developing rapidly – physically, mentally, and emotionally. It can help to almost treat your teen as though you would a stranger and respectfully try to get to know them. As for their opinion about everyday things or topics from your own life. Creating healthy conversation and getting to know your teen will help you better navigate their changing, confusing brain.
- Love unconditionally, but on their terms. Some kids may feel you don’t love them, even when you clearly do – you say it every day!!! That may not be an effective way of communicating your love for them. It can be a game-changer to discover your child’s “love language” and then practice using it. Maybe they need a hug, or a clear verbal recognition of something they did that was great. By acknowledging their love language you are respecting their individuality and communicating love. Suddenly your message and theirs can both be understood.
If you further struggle to relate to your teen, or determine that there are serious problems with which you need qualified, professional help, there are options out there. Classes, counseling, even residential treatment can make a difference for your troubled teen. The teen brain may seem to be an enigma, but don’t give up hope – you can get through!
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Eric Allred was born and raised in Rigby, Idaho. He grew up on a family farm where he learned the value of work. He graduated from Rigby High School and attended Rick’s College, now known as BYU-Idaho. He received his bachelor’s degree in journalism from Utah State University, received a master’s degree in organizational behavior and human relations from the University of Phoenix and a second master’s degree in marital and family therapy from Phillips Graduate Institute. Eric has been involved in Rotary and was president of a local Rotary Club. He enjoys being with his family and doing outdoor activities such as fly fishing.
Chase was very fortunate to start in this industry as a struggling 17 year old kid looking for a mentor and something to be passionate about. Wilderness therapy was Chase’s first stop in this industry and was truly a transcendental experience for him. Chase has an enormous love for this line of work and the power that it has in creating change in everyone involved. Chase’s biggest belief is the power a mentor, strong, healthy relationships, and accountability can have on anyone, especially youth. Taking a very relational approach to his work, Chase has always been very relatable to the students he works with. Being able to understand and relate to a vast variety of the same struggles as a lot of the students he works with has been able to help him continue to grow, learn, and teach. Chase believes that with great rapport and trust, he can use his experience to continue to coach and train new staff, and has the ability to find those staff with the passion for this industry, and help them grow. His love and passion can be felt the moment you talk with Chase about this industry and he passes that on to others he works with. In his spare time you will find Chase cheering for the Eagles, Yankees, and Mavericks, hanging out with his brother, learning more about Eastern Psychology, and continuing to grow and learn.